Dear Harry and Paul,
I'm in Minecraft! I know you don't really like it and that's why you didn't want to join me on this holiday, but it's just so amazing that I've got to rub it in your faces a little bit - this place is beautiful! I've attached some of my holiday snaps for you guys in the office to have a look at. I just wish I'd borrowed a camera off of one of you, instead of relying on my knackered old Polaroid.
Paul, I'm relying on you to make sure Harry at least looks at the photos, by the way. He's always going on about how he 'doesn't understand why smashing blocks is fun', so I'm hoping these photos will change his mind.
If I'm honest, the flight over here wasn't great. It was juddery and violent, I had to enter the exact IP coordinates by hand and I spent the first minute after I arrived stuck in a wall. Even after I writhed free though there still wasn't anyone to welcome me; others only turned up later.
The facilities are good though, at least. It's a bit low-fi compared to London, but there's a lot more greenery, which is nice. I get the feeling that this place doesn't get many visitors though, as there's a wall where everyone who comes by signs their name and it's only got a few dozen scrawls on it.
Anyway, the first thing I went to see was this really weird shrine called 'The Temple of Bender' - as it turns out the natives worship the twin gods of Relix and Futurama. Futurama must be the preferred deity, because they've built a giant model of his head. It was too dark to get any photos of the inside, but the whole thing was hollow so I had a nice little wander around inside that.
I was a bit lonely at first, just walking around this big temple all on my lonesome, but it wasn't long before other people started showing up. The first person I bumped into was - and you probably won't believe this - THE KING OF MINECRAFT! His name was Stickeh
and he said that he ran everything, made sure that the country was safe and stable and so on. I'm not entirely sure what he meant about it being 'stable' though - do they have a lot of earthquakes here? He's doing a really good job no matter what though, because I haven't seen a 'crash' yet.
Once King Stickeh had shown me around the Temple of Bender he took me back to his palace too, which he said he built himself and was based on a Frank Lloyd Wright design called 'Falling Water'. I asked why he built his own house instead of getting slaves to build him a big palace and he said it was because he shares the same last name as Frank Lloyd and he really liked the minimalism of the design. It didn't really answer my question, but then I never was very good with foreign languages.
Oh, did you know Minecraft has its own space program by the way? King Stickeh runs it in his back garden!